Wednesday, July 21, 2010

ZEKE XX: My life after the resignation

After two months, this would be the first time that I would speak about the resignation I had from the Parish Pastoral Council - and with that is my total removal of self from my ministry- of Santa Cruz Parish.

In the first place, I keep asking myself, Am I worthy enough to resign? The whole parish community needs me. When I leave the Council, they would have a loss of a guitarist, a lector, a secretary, a formidable brain. Why leave?

But my answer was worth it. I must leave for me to show something to the people there...

They can live without me, and they always will be.

Yes, that could possibly be the reason. For the past years, I wholeheartedly served the parish community, from being a simple legionary, to being the secretary of the Worship Ministry; from being a server to being a lector; from being a simple churchgoer to somebody who is in-charge of some sorts in the parish. Yes, it is hard work, but it is work done without any regret for it is done for God's greater glory.

But at one point, there are senseless scandals that hit the airwaves. From being a bloodsucker of the priest, to being a garlic clove (amm, sa tagalog: ma-papel) which always fits and trying to fit any work done in the parish, some of which doesn't require my presence.

That served as the turning point. For the past six months, I experienced a hard time coping up with some of the members of the PPC - even Fr. Junjun himself - who, despite my efforts to be good, are still pinching me at the back.

Much worse is the words of remorse I heard from somebody who was once close to my heart. I tried to give my all, to the point of six failing marks in class, just to give my prim and prop to the parish. At the end of the day, he has the strength enough to tell me that I'm his cross all the while.

That gave me the signal.

I should stop.
From my dreams, aspirations, and my tell-alls with the parish community. I should stop with my hallucinations that I'm the superserver. Everything ends here.

I must go on
. With my silent life, a kind of life that I have not experienced for the past six years of service. Something which is new to me.

What's life been after the resignation? Let me give you a glimpse...

I returned to my Neo Catechumenal Community after a year of despising them. Just in time for the Shema. Now, I have no regrets, and I feel like God has brought me to the right path. Seems like this is my way of life now.

I focused more on studies. I'm under MoA with the Admin of the College where I'm in, and I strive hard now to finish my course, and to be a future teacher sometime.

I became more focused to the CCS Brothers, especially with my fraters at the CAMANAVA Community. A resolution was passed last Sunday, which would serve as a guide for us here to live rightly in holiness.

Most of all, I'm sleeping hard, cleaning hard, and doing back my worth at the house. My family has been waiting for me for all this time, and for them, this means something. I still love my house, my home, my comfort zone.

In shorter terms, life after resignation was like the most relaxing time for me, a time for me to rest. I now know that there are still plenty to give focus on. And to the goes my full attention now. a time to sit down, relax a bit, and work for things that really needs my focus the most. No regrets, I even got chubby! :P

Now, everything is clear. Though I experienced hard time within the past year, Seems like clouds are coming clear. At the end of the day, I would never regret the moment I listened to God speaking in my heart. It spoke and said,

It's to late to have your realizations...
but it is never too late to change and fix yourself.

KuyaZeke,ccs_072110 :)

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