My site had been a room full of ideas and sentiments which is available for all to read and ponder on. While some of the posts were accepted and welcomed by the reading public (or some of them), there are still some posts which were disputed down to its very thoughts. I also had my share of posts which had a little bad n' mad tone all over it. These posts show my dark side as a freelance writer and blogger, and I'm still proud nonetheless that I had these posts on my blog string, because these may mirror those points in my life wherein I felt lifeless, proud and hurt. These signs tell enough that I'm human, and that I have the faculties of hurt as well.
Among the many controversial posts, two emerged as the posts which had garnered the memorable reactions. These posts served as the mirror of my personality during the times when these were written.
I go back to my very first post in Friendster Blogs (yes, I have an account there before) about my Family, entitled, 'Are They My Family?' I had a spill of emotions then, all about my bad sentiments towards the 'ill-treatment' I received from my family. The post is a clear sign of rebellion for me, that though I was well-provided, I can still feel their cold hand gripping towards my whole persona then. At that point in my life, I stopped studying (I'm on my way to college then), thus I felt disregarded, miscontented, and to the highest extent, forlorn. That led me to writing this post.
hindi sa nagrerebelde ako sa kanila, pero kilangan ko lang naman ng pagkakaintindihan. hindi ko kasi maintindihan. mahal na mahal ko sila, at alam ko na ginagawa rin nila ang lahat upang iparamdam na mahal nila ako. pero dapat bang sabihin ng isang tao yun?
Eventually, my sister saw this blogpost and became furious towards me. She asked me if I was already in such legal stature to compose a blog and convey my emotions. She threatened me as well that my mom would see this post. I gone ahead of her move, and decided to move the post to Xanga, thinking that I must not erase it but keep it in a safer place in the web so as to keep the piece of my life living. After two brief years, I moved the post here in blogspot, where it is staying until now.
Another controversial post is about my leave from parish work which lasted for a month. My posts then were another mirror of rebellion, this time in the parochial stage. Due to the issues that they were pressing against me way back then, I have no resort than to retaliate through my blogposts. My way of talking then were my own definition of fierce, I tend to attack certain people then which eased the tension deep inside me.
The priest told me to make the right decision for my own good, and for the parish. I have my own wrongdoings, but he is telling me to discern more, to look deeply into myself. To give myself some more time to reflect. For him, I was considered as an asset and a problem. He urges me to use my talent wisely.
A deeply concerned friend talked to me sometime after the series of posts. He showed his disappointment towards my posts, continuing that I must be of rightful service to the community, not to myself. He told me that service and ministry is really a no-joke. I moved on from the posts and proceeded to my service, whereas I am still continuing my ministry until now. I regret the things that transpired during that time. I learned my lesson from them, and until now I use these lessons as my point of reflection in serving the truly-torn parish community.
I had other controversial posts like these two, though they come in minority.
One is my series of cross-fires to some individuals. It came in two parts, but it was never noticed by the concerned. Perhaps they do not know that I'm maintaining a blogsite.
Another is my (yes, indeed) erroneous post on All Souls' Day, when I said the the souls in purgatory are also favorable of the glory of heaven. Well, somebody corrected me of that wrong ideal and retaught me of the real thing (Thanking him for that).
Another is when I have written my sentiments over the death penalty of three Filipinos in China. I told there that somebody must really be sorry for this. Comments entered stating that during this time of mourning, nobody must be punished for now, that we must stand together. well, I am still standing by my sentiments. Somebody MUST be punished for that.
Anyway, these blogposts show enough that the writer is also feeling hurt, injured, and rebellious at times. Though I tend to stand and move on after these writings, I still take the pleasure and honor of having them among my blogroll, because these blogposts stand as a favorable witness of my history, of my colorful past. I continue to read them and ponder lessons from them that I may refrain from doing yet another mistake in the future.
When asked whether I may continue writing such posts in the future, I may say, depending on the situation. I learned already of the heavy responsibility which I take on my shoulders. Through a single word, I may make or break the emotions of the readers. So, I let the answer be, depending on the situation.
But nonetheless, these controversial posts don't break the spirit of gratitude that I have for the Five years of being ONE WITH YOU through the good and bad times. Anyway, that's life!
Wanna read the posts? Here they are...
First related post (Mi Familia): http://sirbitz.blogspot.com/2008/08/mi-familia-friendster-blogs-june-26.html
Second related post (In the midst of Two Worlds... where are you?): http://sirbitz.blogspot.com/2009/10/in-midst-of-two-worlds-where-are-you-my.html
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