Wednesday, October 21, 2009

In the midst of two worlds... where are you? (my report after the leave . Please read this, and give me a piece of advice. I don't know what to do.)

The priest told me to make the right decision for my own good, and for the parish. I have my own wrongdoings, but he is telling me to discern more, to look deeply into myself. To give myself some more timeto reflect. For him, I was considered as an asset and a problem. He urges me to use my talent wisely.

In actuality, I understand that what he expressed was just "bugso ng damdamin," that he did not meant to say those words. He did that to wake me up to the reality. He missed the old me.

I've been receiving advice from facebook, and from friends. they are trying to convince me of one thing from another. I don't know what to do, or whatever.

One side is telling me to give up the game, to leave the service and the cmmunity, because they are using and abusing me to the greatest extent. they tell me that I'm serving to the best of my ability, and yet he, and they, are not recognizing my goodwill. And so, it is better for me to quit the game, and to follow my own way.

On the other hand, there are people telling me to go on, and not to give up the fight. Since I was considered as an asset, I was just a victim of wrong circumstance, that I can still do something, that the people still needs me.

I look at the community, especially at Ta Uloy. I imagined myself if I am not who I am right now. But the leave gave me the thrill of not attending to the church activities, which means not having stress or whatever.

Facebook tells me that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step; and to stop wishing and start resolving.

A friend told me that when the priest held a meeting with the servers before my report last Monday, he said to the kids that eventhough I am not already a part of the ministry, I'm still accessible to them through different activites, teachings, and others. He also told me that according to the priest, I can still help them, that I am still of service, na kailangan pa rin nila ako, that my mission does not end here.

Another friend told me that whatever I do, there are drawbacks in the community, laging may tsismis, and I cannot do everything to mend it but leave. I'm just a victim. I'm just a backdrop of their bad interests. that to put an end to it, I must quit my responsibilities, and go on doing the things that they don't want me to do, but I really and certainly want to.

They are all saying one thing.... WHAT MATTERS IS MY DECISION.

snd so, I'm in the middle of a great battlefield, working to the best for the great decision of my life.

I'm praying to the Lord these days, that I may be more reaponsible in this decision making. Kung sa bagay, bakit nga ba ako nagkakaroon ng ganitong katinding problema? I really must do something. Something that I don't know how to execute.

The problem is very deep, and it really covers my life as a server.


Please, pray for me.

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

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