Mi Familia... (Friendster Blogs - June 26, 2006; Xanga - July 05, 2006)

(Gogo Note: this post is one of my very first-and most controversial-blogposts in the web. This is about my reproaches regarding the most basic unit of society where I belong... my Family. Perhaps this would supply my special wish for this 18th year of life for me.
A little History: I wrote this in fs blogs, June 26, 2006. It was entitled "Are They my Family?" I was already walking in the Way some time, so I may say that I am not scandalized of posting this over the net. That proved to be wrong, because many people were scandalized upon viewing this; among them is my dete, or sister. It became a cause of a little reprimanding, and a lot more controversy, that made me decide that this post should be transferred to my account in Xanga, on July 05, 2006, as a private post so that I can retrieve it sometime later... that would certainly be NOW.
What's inside the "controversial" blog? Read on... Please understand the contents, and if you feel scandalized, don't worry, it's only for the contacts. A related post will follow later.)

meron akong problemang pinapasan... isang problemang mahirap harapin, at sana, ay maharap ko na talaga.

isang araw ay kinausap ako ng pamilya ko. napapansin nila na nagbago na ang pakikitungo ko sa kanila, habang mas gumaganda naman ang pangalan ko sa mga kaibigan ko, at mga kakilala ko sa labas. alam ko na nawawalan na ako ng panahon sa kanila, at dinedevote ko na ang panahon ko para sa mga kakilala ko sa labas.

ang sabi ng isa, "ayusin mo ang tym sked mo." ang sabi ng isa, "gumawa ka naman sa bahay."

pero ang sabi ng isa...

"kami ang pamilya mo, hindi sila. wala silang magagawa sa iyo , kami lang. nagpapayabangan lang kayo sa Simbahan, nagpapataasan ng yabang. sila na lang ang laging tinutulungan mo. paano na kami? wala na ba kaming puwang sa puso mo? pinanganak ka para tumulong sa amin, hindi sa kanila. tatandaan mo yan!!!"

dahil dun, nasaktan ako, mas lalong naginit ang inis ko sa kanila. hindi nila makuha ang impresyon ko. hindi sa nagrerebelde ako sa kanila, pero kilangan ko lang naman ng pagkakaintindihan. hindi ko kasi maintindihan. mahal na mahal ko sila, at alam ko na ginagawa rin nila ang lahat upang iparamdam na mahal nila ako. pero dapat bang sabihin ng isang tao yun?

alam ko sa sarili ko, hindi lang sila ang pamilya ko. ang lahat ng mga nakakasalamuha ko, pati sila ay pamilya ko rin!!! mula sa mga kasama ko sa Altar Servers, hanggang sa mga kasama ko sa paglalakad sa daan, hanggang sa mga ka-batchmeyt ko sa ICPS, hanggang dun sa mga naging guro ko, hanggang dun sa mga taong nakilala ko nang di-sinasadya, hanggang sa inyo na mga friends ko sa friendster, at hanggang sa mga taong naiinis at nagagalit sa akin, to the point na sumpain nila ako... lahat sila ay pamilya ko, at walang makakagalaw sa kanila.

pero ang mali ko lang dun, ay ang pagkawala ko ng panahon sa tunay na pamilya ko. dahil dun, ay humihingi na ako ng kapatawaran sa kanila, kasabay ng pangakong mas lalo akong magdaragdag ng panahon para sa kanila. sana, ay matanggap nila ito. sori sa lahat ng mga panahon na nawalan ako ng panahon para sa kanila. hindi ko sinasadya. mahal na mahal ko sila!!!

bilang pagtatapos, ay hayaan ninyo akong kumuha ng ilang bahagi ng akda ni Kahlil Gibran, ang sumulat ng "The Prophet":

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

mula sa harap ng Kompyuter at sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, Hunyo 26, 2006

wewe_pasaway02@yahoo.com

Song of the Day...

Song of the day: Sa Mata Makikita (Roel Cortez)

kaylangan pa bang ako ay tanungin
kaylangan pa bang sayo ay bigkasin
na mahal kita at wala ng iba
masdan mo't makikita
sa aking mga mata

kaylangan pa bang ako ay lumapit
at sabihin sayo ang laman ng dibdib
na mahal kitaa at wala ng iba
masdan mo't makikita sa aking mga mata

chorus
hindi na kailangan ako ay tanungin
hindi na kailangan sayo ay bigkasin
sa tuwing magtatama ang ating paningin
sa mata makikita anga aking damdamin

masdan mo't makikita sa aking mga mata
masdan mo't makikita sa aking mga mata

Pilgrim's Theme

Pilgrim's Theme

What will happen on October 12...

This is a repost of what will happen to the future. It's a reminder, especially for me as one among these. I invite you all to pray for us Fraters, especially for me.
The reality is this: After October 12, CCS will have a brand new face, I believe in that.
The text goes like this... (www.confraternityofcatholicsaints.blogspot.com)

Good luck to the Pioneer Fraters who will be in preparation for the Formal Consecration and Reception to the Confraternity of Catholic Saints during the Thanksgiving Mass on October 12, 2008, Sunday, at the Chapel of Saint Joseph, Immaculate Conception Cathedral School, Lantana Street, Cubao, Quezon City.

Fraters: Francis Teresa Maria, Tarciso Bonaventura Maria, Joseph Pio Maria, John of Saint Mary, John Ezekiel Maria, Paul Lawrence Maria, Josemaria, John Therese Maria [In the U.S.A.]

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Da Bday Week...

TOP SIX
things that made my birthday week very,... amm.... exciting!
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6. IT CAN BE DEFINED AS A VACACION IL GRANDE! Imagine, no classes on Monday, no classes as scheduled on Tuesday (My Birthday), classes suspended on Wednesday (eventhough I came to class for the first period. CMU suspended its classes by 10:15 AM), no classes on thursday (as scheduled.), and the Educ Week at CMU today (Yes, I came to school, minus the classes.).
5. MY BIRTHDAY WAS FULL OF INSECURITIES. Same shirt, different day. I wanted gifts, that's all... material gifts. Good thing, my brothers at the community reminded me of the real meaning of life, putting aside the material things. (Frail personality... what's new?)
4. THE FULL CIRCLE WAS AROUND ME. I had the community by Morning, recieving Fr. Jun's blessing for the whole year. The whole day was well-spent with my family by my side. Evening was spent with some of my fellow brothers at the Altar, and some of my classmates. Added with the text messages from the Fraters, Scholars and friends.
3. ENDEAVOURS GALORE!!! Educ Week: I had a cameo role in the Mass celebrated this morning as the server "to da rescue!"; adding the quiz bee, falling to 5th place because of little preparation. Tomorrow: I am one of the representatives for MAS to the diocesan Pastoral Planning Seminar-Workshop. That, among others. (acting like a busy body again!!!)
2. GREAT FOOD, GREAT CELEBRATION!!! Don't ask for the details. What made this item great was the food!!! Sandamakmak ang handa!!!
1. GOD IS BY MY SIDE. The statement tells its soul, AS ALWAYS. He had never let me down this week, to the point of slapping my face just making his presence known to me. This week will never be the best week of the year, because of Him.

I remember what my classmates said when they were at my place... "Cheers to Weldann, and to all his doings for this coming year!!!"
Well, I hope that it will go more deeper than that!

SALAMAT SA LAHAT NG NAKAALALA!!! UNTIL NEXT YEAR!!!

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Here Comes Da Wishes!!!

THREE WISHES 2008
THE TRADITION THAT SIMPLY BECAME PART OF MY MOCKED LIFE.
...SAME WISHES, DIFFERENT FORM, ASCENDING ORDER...

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3. I saw this past year how the people around me accepted me as me (that's why I need wish no. 1. read on.), not putting aside those who are part of my Hall of Shame. They, in general, became a part of my life. But I'm not saying that it occurs all the tym. There are some instances that people, whether good or bad, don't understand what I'm trying to voice out. Well, it doesn't matter. This wish goes to them... I wish for them to live very good lives, to have nice friends and great enemies. I wish for them to live understanding their joys and sorrows, and to live according to the will of the Supremo.

2. I had this message days ago... You are not born to please them all! With that, I realized deeper what my mission is to God, and to people. Actually, this an annex of Wish number 1, only that this is concise. As for Wish No. 2 for this year, I wish that I may deeply realize what my life is, what my mission will be, and how can I live out my Baptism. I will not realize this wish without the help of everybody around me, and of God who watches over us.

AND FINALLY...

1. As I carefully discern over the first wish (and the three in general), I realized that there is no more need to wish for anything. But deep inside me, I saw this need that I must ask for this coming year. I saw this year as a year of make-shifts, a year of masks. It was not the real me. And so, I wish that I would see the better me; I wish to see in my eyes the Weldann that I am supposed to be. I also wanted to arrange each and every priority that I have in my life. It is the same wish as the former years as wish no. 1, and I saw the reality of this wish. It's only that I need greater discernment. Besides, it's not got in just one blogging.

I had one special wish, which I wanted to tell everybody in private. I will open it up only to people who are in my network, esp. the Fraters. Watch out for it.

You know, I am carefully having everythng that I wanted in life, every material thing I wished - and continually wish - to have for this year (new shoes, a guitar kahit na pahiram lang, a J. Bible, the Christian Prayer that I recieved last year, and most of all, the gift of the Pilgrimage in Iloilo). But still, I have spiritual needs to be satisfied, thus these wishes. I pray that these wishes will not end in the blog, but may it be my staircase in understanding what I have in life.

With this, I end my 3 wishes. Thanks to all who greeted me in advance, and to all in the future.

AWOO, AWOO!!!

081608

The Tranquil Flow of LIFE... (The Birthday Essay 2008)

It’s only ten days before I turn 18. And with that, I have the joy to share with you the things that made my life complete for this year. Like a bottle floating through the endless path of the Ocean, my life,to put it in writing, had gone through the tranquil flow and the diverse waves, with the people, places and events that shaped up my personality in the seventeenth year of what turned out to be my life.

The TRANQUIL FLOW…

Walking with the brothers took another milestone for my life this year, especially now that we entered the first step of the Baptismal rite this year. It was a blessing for me, because of the realities that I entered this year, from the Baptismal Scrutiny, to the Pilgrimage for the Youth in Iloilo. These were realities that I didn’t understood at first, but I carefully entered and appreciated. I never realized that I will pass through this life with the understanding that goes like this… God accepts us, even though we undergo a lot of difficulties and obstacles. He loves us, and accepts us as we are. When the world rejects us, He is still there for us. And this reality I learned through the Way.

Serving at the Altar was a real challenge for me. It was a hard task now, doing the things that I never did before. But although I think of myself as a “superserver” at times, I still fell that there is this force that is shaking me up, and facing the reality to me, that I’m part of a blessed team. Sometimes, I fail to do the sorts, but there are also times that I feel that it is God helping me to serve at His holy Altar. And that I will never forget, especially now that I marked four years of service.

As the Fraters enter this year of grace in blessings, I will never say that there were no misunderstandings. It was as if God had let us entered these circumstances to show us how we love and understand each other as brothers in the Lord. With the inspiration of the White-robed Army, we still go on proclaiming our battle cry, and showing the world that everybody–simply everybody–can be holy.

Responsibilities. That would be my realization for this year as a lay. As I pass through this year, I still get that energy and the vigor from God who gives me life from sunrise to sunset. On myself, I would say that these responsibilities would be a vain train. But, with the Lord, I would say that these chores are a blessing for me and a help to others. Although I fail at times, He is still there, helping me.

A Future Teacher. This is that something that’s behind my college studies. This is the reason why I go to school. In this time that I’m entering my second year of studies, I have learned many things, especially the realization that there are people that will make you realize who you are, and who you will be in the near future. As you go on, you are equipped with more responsibilities, more challenges, and more acceptances. And I know that it will run for the next two years. Who knows?

This year has been a testimony of how my family entered a very great deal of ups and downs. I may say that this was the year where I get to know my family more; of how they are very loving, despite the lapses. Well, except for the Holy Family of Nazareth, and for other holy families around, there will never be a perfect family if all its members are not loving, gracious, God-fearing, and cooperative with each other. Inspite of that, I am still proud of my family, of who they are, and I know that beyond everybody, and aside from the Omnipotent One, they are still the ones who accept me as I am.

I will never pass this flow without God who is still there with every step of the way; with the help of everybody around me. I owe the greater thanks to Him, and to them, because without them, I may be somewhere so dark, so immense, so misunderstood.

Well, enough of that. Let's go on...

The DIVERSE WAVES...

This year was also a witness to my frailty, of how I continuously fail to do things that must be done; of how I continuously fall into sin, eventhough I didn't like it to happen; of how people misunderstood me, and how I misunderstand them in return; of how I lived in pride, lust, and jealousy, added with a pinch of gluttony and a teaspoon of anger, plus the other two that I do not know.

Eventhough I pursue to live in Holiness, I still have lapses. After 18 years, I have come to understand this reality: I am a sinner in nature, and nobody cannot take it away from me, except God and myself. I sin by all means, and I sin everytime I please to do so. But despite that, I thank the Lord because He'd let me enter the way of Humility, and Conversion. I always ask myself that if God did not let me enter this way, where would I be right now as I write this BE?

And so, I am drawing near to the 17th waterfall, knowing that when I fall, I will enter the 18th river, the 18th ocean of my life. It's simply like that. It would still be a immense ocean, full of flows and waves alike. But who knows what will happen beyond this essay? One thing is for sure: wherever the flow will take me, whatever the texture of the waves will be like, God is still there. It's still the ocean, the ocean of my Life, but with a greater reality. The ocean shaped me to be who I am now, and God is by my side to guide me.

In the end, my cry, as with the former Birthday Essays of this nature, is still that cry full of trust and gratitude:

IN ALL THINGS, MAY GOD'S WILL BE DONE!!!

SA LAHAT NG BAGAY, KALOOBAN MO NAWA ANG MANGYARI, O PANGINOON!!!

AMEN.

01 August 2008

:)

the BE Primer...

After this post, I will present to you the Birthday Essay and the three wishes for the year 2008. Perhaps, you might be asking, where did the stupid idea came from, and from what corner of my mind did the wishes appeared. With that light, I will present to you a very brief primer before the presentation of my "post of the year". Here it goes...

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THE BIRTHDAY ESSAY.
It was like a thunder that struck my little mind when I was in fouth year in High School. It was a very nice day of July 29, 2005, and the classroom's atmosphere was very cold, thanks to the air conditioner. I had a vary large notebook in my armchair. The teacher was discussing something. I had something in mind. My 15th birthday is weeks to go, why shouldn't I do something to summarize what my year had been for me... and so, the Birthday Essay was born. I wrote in in a large notebook, entitled "Birthday Essay..." In it, the reader can see my achievements and failures, my joys and sorrows. One can also see in it how the personalities around me helped me to be me during the past year. Unfortunately, the notebook was lost, and with it, the first B.E.
With the birth of the first striker's site in Xanga, I had the idea of writing another B.E. for my 16th birthday, entitled "the 31st of July." It has a new feature: of connecting my life to something so related to closing ang opening. That year, I connected my life to the sunrise/sunset. Last year, it was patterned after a book.
Everytime I write a B.E., I realize how God worked wonders to me after the past year. It gives me new strength and vigor to continue my life, and to continue witnessing How God helps somebody depsite his failures and lapses; and with that, it gives me the inspiration and excitement to write a new essay for the following year. It simply goes like that.

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THE THREE WISHES.
As the Birthday Essay started in paper, the Three Wishes started in Friendster.
It started as a bulletin post in Friendster (Aug. 15, 2005... I am good in dates!), with the intention of showing the world how I wanted to be in the coming year after A19. It is patterned after Aladdin who wished three times to a Genie in a magic lamp. Well, it's like a mortal sin looking at myself like Aladdin, but it's not after him, it's after the wishes.
You know what, guys? I simply realize that these wishes are being granted in the course of the year. It's like "wishes do come true."
The third wish, as a tradition ek-ek, was kept a secret. It's not because there was no wish at all, but because I wanted it to be between myself and God. It was broken last year, when I presented a third wish; but having a fourth wish as a secret, the chain was still considered now broken.

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When I put it in a summary, these two posts make up my birthday traditions. It is simply a mirror, of how God does wonders to everybody, and how a mortal lives with needs and wishes in hand. it's like a failure now if I do not create a Birthday Essay and its Three Wishes. It simple goes like that.

With that, I present to you...

THE TRANQUIL FLOW OF LIFE (the Birthday Essay 2008)
and
THE THREE WISHES 2008

It's coming na... watch out for it!!!
:)

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Related Posts...
Bithday Essay:
1. The 31st of July (BE 2006) - http://litranista001.multiply.com/journal/item/105/the_31st_of_july..._the_birthday_essay_2006
2. The 29th of July (BE 2007) - http://litranista001.multiply.com/journal/item/43/The_29th_of_July..._Birthday_Essay_2007

Three Wishes:
1. The Wishes... (2006) - http://litranista001.multiply.com/journal/item/106/the_wishes..._a_sequel_to_the_birthday_essay
2. Three Wishes... (2007) - http://litranista001.multiply.com/journal/item/44/Three_Wishes_2007...