chance... hanggang saan?

madalas kong naririnig ang mga katagang... sige, bibigyan pa kita ng one more chance. Just one.

kadalasan, maririnig ito sa mga chances na wala nang pag-asa ang isang tao sa kanyang bosing, o kaya'y wala nang tiwala si wife kay husband.

Pero dapat nga bang naririnig ito?

Sabi nila na mas lalo daw nabibigyan ng eagerness ang isang tao to do more good. Pero in actuality, and as I can see it in the contrary, hindi ito ang nangyayari. Mas madalas pa nga na kapag nabibigyan ng second chance ang isang tao, the more na nasasaktan ang isa pang tao.

Dapat bang ganito ang mangyari? Kaya nga may second chance, kasi para mas magawa ng taong iyon ang dapat niyang gawin. Eh hindi eh. Umaabot sa punto naaabuso pa ang kapwa niya na umaasa sa "kaya" niyang gawin.

At kung sa bagay, second chance means loss of trust. Okey, you can do it the next time around, but why need to do it on chance? Di ba dapat ginagawa na natin ito in the first blow?

A friendly tip...

if you can do something, and do it really good, do it the first time around. Wag mo nang paabutin sa second chance. It is simply because you cannot put things the way they do on second time. Everything has only but one chance.

This one goes to those who love second chances. Magising kayo sa katotohanan! Mali ang inyong principles when it comes to that. Totoo.

What can you say?

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

The Wishes... here we go...

THE THREE WISHES!!!

Let's give out, share all and live up!

My wishes this year, are not so good like last year. Last year, it is a repeatition of the other year's three wishes. It took me days to compose this. The wishes are for those who have been my... best bullyists, and enemies, as well as for those who are not sensitive enough.

and here we go...

3. The third wish this year goes to those who have been a part of my wall of shame. They are those people who led me, in one way to another, to discouragement. They are those who made my world balance, those who remind me, that this world is not a perfect one. Kung hindi dahil sa kanila, hindi ako magiging matatag kahit na ako'y hirap na hirap na. This wish goes to them. I wish that they may see the reality that they are not the perfect people that they are thinking. I wish also that they may be more responsible with what they are doing.

2. This wish goes to those people who had been senseless with what I needed. They are those who were acting as if wala silang pakialam. When I needed them, they are those who tend to close their mouths, or worse, go with the flow and laugh at my misery, not knowing what I'm into. This one is for them. I wish that they would be more sensitive to what are the needs of others. I wish that they would not tend to be like robots, who would laugh when told to, or cry when said so. I wish for them to be more observant with what's going on.

AND FINALLY...

1. This wish goes to me. After realizing that the people around me gave me the attention I needed, it's now my turn to look at their sighs. My Primary Wish this year is for me to see the real thing, not what I wish to see. I know that this would be hard, but I pray that this year, I would not look for what I want, but for what they want me to be. In other words, I wish that I would be reality-based, not fantasized, but keeping my feet on the ground despite the responsibility I have.

===+===

A Year is closing,... what a year! It's very depressing, very suffocating, but still, it was worth it. This was that year when I entered an ocean of challenges, and remained standing. I would never do it without the help of those who were involved in my life.

This is my chance to say Thank You!!! ...

> to those who had been my acquaintances this past year.
> to those who had never left my side in times of trouble.
> to those who had made my life a mixture of bitter and sweet.
> to those who had been my crying shoulder for this year.
> to those who had believed that I can do it, even if I am frail and weak.
> to those who still believed me, eventhough I failed them.
> to those who still have trust in me, no matter what.

Salamat, salamat, salamat sa inyong lahat!!!

But most of all, I would like to say thank you to The One! Lord, you are The all-knowing, and you knew that I must enter this vast ocean in order to be tough and cool. It's all because of you! THANK YOU!!! MARAMING SALAMAT PO!!! THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!

And so, another year is closing. Pray for me that this year would be a very nice year for me. I would pray for you all.

Thank You all!!! and a very Happy Birthday and Feastday to me!!!

HAPPY 19 SA 19 SA AKIN!!! hehe.....

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

A Public Apology... (19 sa 19 Special Feature)

I would like to extend my sincere apology to those who were offended by my "other side" yesterday, Aug. 16, 2009.

That "other side", my brother in the dark, is somebody that I don't want to share with all. It occurs only when I go mad and bad on things. That situation yesterday, I know, led me to another dirt in my name. It gave me shame again in my heart.

Masakit kung maituring, but still, the message is clear. The word I would like to convey to the person concerned is clear. Alam na niya yun. Kung ayaw niyang makinig sa akin, then so be it. I would render silence.

Still, I felt that it is my responsibility to render a public apology in favor of those who were suprised by my other side. I'm really sorry na nagambala ko kayo dahil sa masamang kapatid ko.

This apology also goes to those people na nasaktan ko throughout the past year. Marami sila, hindi ko na mabilang. I'm sorry for whatever I did that offended you.

Well, life must go on... it really must be.

3 Wishes..............parating na!

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

T_BiTz... 19 sa 19!!! ...THE BIRTHDAY ESSAY 2009

Another year is drawing to a close. and with the closing of one year is opening of another.
It's time to sum-up once again all those events that shaped my eighteenth year. And for me, a very expressive way of showing this is through pics. And so, my BE for this year is a show-off of pictures tied-up into a category. This is a very tiresome job, preparing every show-off pic, and compiling it into one mosaic. But for the Essay, and as a way of giving thanks, why the fuzz?

The Essay is divided into these topics: the MAS Life and the Diversion, The Blessed Brotherhood, Life @ CMU, Haus Boi, and my Mad and Bad Sentiments. It tries to cover every major aspect of my life... something that I would really like to share with you all.

Go on, let's read together...

===+===

From an Altar Server to being a Lector, down to being a MC in training and handling the liturgy, the Diversion taught me two things... First, I don't live in one org alone, I belong to everybody; Second, I need to grow in order to have a more fulfilling life. If you would look at my life as a common layko right now, it's more of an adventure. Having a very different adventure... like I never had it in 5 years. I owe this personally to the change of leadership (from Fr. Jun to Fr. Junjun), and the help of the people who believed in what I can do. I never realized that I can actually be where I am right now. Actually. This is really a call to service, offering your life for everybody, not just for somebody, to the point of being hurt, and separated from the mob, in order to render a more just service for all. I said this once... Nalungkot ako nung umalis ako sa pagiging Altar Server... Pero pagkatapos ng lahat ng aking napagdaanan, nawala ang lungkot na iyun, napalitan ng ligaya. Now I know that there is something more for me.

===+===

After my profession last year, my perspective on the Confraternity changed. Far from being an ordinary organization, the CCS (for me) changed its identity into a community. I felt that there is a tie between me and the Fraters, something that I never felt eversince I entered the Confraternity. From being just a member then, now, I have my own flock. Then, I was simply carefree with the spirituality, now I am the half-caretaker of relics. There was this change of dimension for me, and more than that, there was this deeper call to live in sanctity, with the flow of what is today. I told the scholars at the General Assembly... We all have the quest to find the real happiness, that thing that would lead us to great joy. That's why we are here... we pursue to be happy, and holy. By being holy, we tend to become happy.

===+===

Class life has never become this tiring yet challenging. In actuality, since my Birthday last year, class has undergone a little bit cruel change. And on that aspect, I tend to give up. That was evident until now. Because of that cruel change, I tend to skip classes because of sickness or laziness. Still, I managed to go on and have a good grade. But despite all that, there is still a good share of joys and triumphs. My barkada, the Ghoy Ghang, was always there with me to raise my clenched fist and shout... "Awoo awoo!", my good classmate friends are there to support my every move, and my reportings tell me that I'm on the right track. But inside all that, there's those little joys that leave a mark of joy in my heart. I told my classmate once... Thank you for being there for me. Naging masaya ang three years ko sa college with your company, I pray that the coming months may be a greater joy for me and for us all.

===+===

Responsibility. That's a very deep word. and that's what my family taught me throughout the past year. It's noting that this year, I was more focused on the house. Being eighteen means being mature enough to face every problem in the home. Caring for your very young nephews, taking the toll when your sister is angry over you, but most of all, this year taught me how to care for my most precious treasure... my mother. This year has been a silent testimony of how I left my mother alone, and how I tried to find her amidst the rain and pile of people. I shared this with a friend... Imagine, kahit na pinahihirapan ko siya, andyan pa rin siya for me. That's a very great reminder for me na wala nang mas nakakaintindi sa akin than my mom, my family. There's a home waiting for me.

===+===

It's a bad fight for me this year. From day 1, there was this feeling of loneliness and despair. On the other days, there was this feeling of lust running on my veins. On some, there was the pain of betrayal, separation, and division. And then, there is the pain of saying goodbye to some who left me all alone. Still, there is the pain of fighting, and giving up. I felt like I was guilty of all of these. In actuality, it hurts. For all of these, I tell... Dadaan kung dadaan. Sasakit kung sasakit. Pero mas maganda na iyun kaysa sa pagiging mangmang sa isang bagay, tapos magkakaroon ka ng trauma pag dumating ito na hindi ka handa.
I have undergone a lot of chisms, people tried to take me down, and some of them have not contented in just gossiping, to the point of back biting me. To them I say... Maging masaya kayo sa kung nasaan kayo. After all, dumaan din ako dyan sa dinadaanan ninyo. And then, bakit ba? Wala naman akong ginagawang masama.

===+===

The year was a very colorful one for me. My Eighteenth year is something that I would never forget for the rest of my life. It was in this year that I had a taste of everything: Service, Responsibility, Friendship, Gossips, Pitfalls, Lustful thinkings, Leadership, but most of all, of Love and Sacrifice.

My life... Our life... It is like a picture, a share of colors, hoping to create a simple scene and everything that is in it.

I pray that the coming year may have a bright light in front of its path to guide me through the coming challenges and experiences. Although not so sure, I know deep inside my heart that my nineteenth year of journey would bring me to another picture, that would teach me to be more mature, more friendly, more responsible, more humble, and more in service.

And as I close this BE, I would entrust myself to the Lord. He took me, and shaped me to be what I am right now. I know that my life is entrusted to him, and so I cry...

IN ALL THINGS, MAY GOD'S WILL BE DONE!!!
SA LAHAT NG BAGAY, KALOOBAN MO NAWA ANG MANGYARI, O PANGINOON!!!
AMEN.

JoEzeMa,ccs:)
081409

heading to the BE (Bpost Series #6, last of the series.)

We are now heading to the last week... so I would like to share with you some insights on my BE and Three Wishes which would be published on Aug 13 and 16.

> Picturrific! Unlike the past BEs, the one for this year is supported by lots of pictures, symbolizing each aspect of my life: MAS/SMW, Haus Boi, CCS, and CMU; as well as my bad sentiments.

> More Pouring of my inner self. Another special for this year is the manner of presentation, more bold, yet down-to-earth.

> aspectically... good. It's more of an awkward way of giving thanks to all who had been a part of my life for this year.

> living out the theme! My theme for last year was One Year older... One Year wiser... One Year nearer. This would serve as my report for last year.

Watch out, guys! it's heading the way!!!

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

From One to Another... this time, it's CORY. (Bpost Series #5)

(August 03, 2009: the Yellow Ribbon and the Half-mast Flag at CMU)

From the King of Philippine Rap...

to the King of Pop...
and now,
the next in line is the Icon of Philippine Democracy...
the Lady of EDSA.
CORAZON COJUANGCO-AQUINO.
1933-2009

Since last Saturday, I've been hearing of the news of Cory's death. and deep inside, I'm very moved by how the whole nation, including me, sadly accepted the shocking news of the day.
For me personally, as a filipino of the new generation, I have no idea of what happened in 1986, five years before I was born. But in what I am seeing from Saturday up until early today, I can picture in my mind the events in which I have no idea what really happened.
I thank God for Mrs. Aquino, because all throughout her seventy-six years of adventure and challenges, I can see that He never left Cory alone. From the moment of birth, up to the EDSA days, and until now that she's not with us anymore, God is with her. That's the reality of Cory's life. The Reality of God's immense love for His servants.
From her life, I can clearly see three lessons to ponder for us, the new breed of Filipinos...
1. Have a deep love for the nation. When you see that your country is in deep wave of problems, don't just sit there reading my blog and doing nothing. Like Cory, we must fight and defend our motherland and its democracy from its enemies, both outside and inside.
2. Every ONE can. Cory is a woman. and she ousted the mad dictator of her time. like her, we must be brave enough to oust the mad dictators of our lives... PRIDE. and Everyone, yes, everyone can do it. No gender discrimination.
3. Have a deep faith in GOD. Cory's life is one of deep prayer and confidence in her Creator. something that most of us lack. Let us not be contented with the material things, and let us not depend on ourselves only. let us always remember that God is just a prayer away to guide us. Look at Cory. before running for president, she spent quality time praying. She never wasted her time in waste, always spending some time to talk with the Lord. Because of that, she was given the most beautiful gift God can give... BEAUTIFUL and HAPPY DEATH.

I enjoin my prayers with the whole Nation. I mourn for her passing, yet I am enjoyed with the fact that she is already with the Lord, and with her husband Ninoy. She is there, praying with us and for us.

Opo, ma'am Cory! ipagpapatuloy namin ang iyong nasimulan!
Tuloy ang Laban!
CORY, HINDI KA NAG-IISA!!!

R.I.P. Amen.

JoEzeMa,ccs :)