T_BiTz... 19 sa 19!!! ...THE BIRTHDAY ESSAY 2009

Another year is drawing to a close. and with the closing of one year is opening of another.
It's time to sum-up once again all those events that shaped my eighteenth year. And for me, a very expressive way of showing this is through pics. And so, my BE for this year is a show-off of pictures tied-up into a category. This is a very tiresome job, preparing every show-off pic, and compiling it into one mosaic. But for the Essay, and as a way of giving thanks, why the fuzz?

The Essay is divided into these topics: the MAS Life and the Diversion, The Blessed Brotherhood, Life @ CMU, Haus Boi, and my Mad and Bad Sentiments. It tries to cover every major aspect of my life... something that I would really like to share with you all.

Go on, let's read together...

===+===

From an Altar Server to being a Lector, down to being a MC in training and handling the liturgy, the Diversion taught me two things... First, I don't live in one org alone, I belong to everybody; Second, I need to grow in order to have a more fulfilling life. If you would look at my life as a common layko right now, it's more of an adventure. Having a very different adventure... like I never had it in 5 years. I owe this personally to the change of leadership (from Fr. Jun to Fr. Junjun), and the help of the people who believed in what I can do. I never realized that I can actually be where I am right now. Actually. This is really a call to service, offering your life for everybody, not just for somebody, to the point of being hurt, and separated from the mob, in order to render a more just service for all. I said this once... Nalungkot ako nung umalis ako sa pagiging Altar Server... Pero pagkatapos ng lahat ng aking napagdaanan, nawala ang lungkot na iyun, napalitan ng ligaya. Now I know that there is something more for me.

===+===

After my profession last year, my perspective on the Confraternity changed. Far from being an ordinary organization, the CCS (for me) changed its identity into a community. I felt that there is a tie between me and the Fraters, something that I never felt eversince I entered the Confraternity. From being just a member then, now, I have my own flock. Then, I was simply carefree with the spirituality, now I am the half-caretaker of relics. There was this change of dimension for me, and more than that, there was this deeper call to live in sanctity, with the flow of what is today. I told the scholars at the General Assembly... We all have the quest to find the real happiness, that thing that would lead us to great joy. That's why we are here... we pursue to be happy, and holy. By being holy, we tend to become happy.

===+===

Class life has never become this tiring yet challenging. In actuality, since my Birthday last year, class has undergone a little bit cruel change. And on that aspect, I tend to give up. That was evident until now. Because of that cruel change, I tend to skip classes because of sickness or laziness. Still, I managed to go on and have a good grade. But despite all that, there is still a good share of joys and triumphs. My barkada, the Ghoy Ghang, was always there with me to raise my clenched fist and shout... "Awoo awoo!", my good classmate friends are there to support my every move, and my reportings tell me that I'm on the right track. But inside all that, there's those little joys that leave a mark of joy in my heart. I told my classmate once... Thank you for being there for me. Naging masaya ang three years ko sa college with your company, I pray that the coming months may be a greater joy for me and for us all.

===+===

Responsibility. That's a very deep word. and that's what my family taught me throughout the past year. It's noting that this year, I was more focused on the house. Being eighteen means being mature enough to face every problem in the home. Caring for your very young nephews, taking the toll when your sister is angry over you, but most of all, this year taught me how to care for my most precious treasure... my mother. This year has been a silent testimony of how I left my mother alone, and how I tried to find her amidst the rain and pile of people. I shared this with a friend... Imagine, kahit na pinahihirapan ko siya, andyan pa rin siya for me. That's a very great reminder for me na wala nang mas nakakaintindi sa akin than my mom, my family. There's a home waiting for me.

===+===

It's a bad fight for me this year. From day 1, there was this feeling of loneliness and despair. On the other days, there was this feeling of lust running on my veins. On some, there was the pain of betrayal, separation, and division. And then, there is the pain of saying goodbye to some who left me all alone. Still, there is the pain of fighting, and giving up. I felt like I was guilty of all of these. In actuality, it hurts. For all of these, I tell... Dadaan kung dadaan. Sasakit kung sasakit. Pero mas maganda na iyun kaysa sa pagiging mangmang sa isang bagay, tapos magkakaroon ka ng trauma pag dumating ito na hindi ka handa.
I have undergone a lot of chisms, people tried to take me down, and some of them have not contented in just gossiping, to the point of back biting me. To them I say... Maging masaya kayo sa kung nasaan kayo. After all, dumaan din ako dyan sa dinadaanan ninyo. And then, bakit ba? Wala naman akong ginagawang masama.

===+===

The year was a very colorful one for me. My Eighteenth year is something that I would never forget for the rest of my life. It was in this year that I had a taste of everything: Service, Responsibility, Friendship, Gossips, Pitfalls, Lustful thinkings, Leadership, but most of all, of Love and Sacrifice.

My life... Our life... It is like a picture, a share of colors, hoping to create a simple scene and everything that is in it.

I pray that the coming year may have a bright light in front of its path to guide me through the coming challenges and experiences. Although not so sure, I know deep inside my heart that my nineteenth year of journey would bring me to another picture, that would teach me to be more mature, more friendly, more responsible, more humble, and more in service.

And as I close this BE, I would entrust myself to the Lord. He took me, and shaped me to be what I am right now. I know that my life is entrusted to him, and so I cry...

IN ALL THINGS, MAY GOD'S WILL BE DONE!!!
SA LAHAT NG BAGAY, KALOOBAN MO NAWA ANG MANGYARI, O PANGINOON!!!
AMEN.

JoEzeMa,ccs:)
081409