Dear 2009.....

DEAR 2009,

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan ang sulat na ito, at kung paanong idadaan sa panulat ang aking mga saloobin, matapos ang tatlongdaan at animnapu't limang araw na nakasama kita, nakapiling, at nakaniigan.

Marami kang naidulot sa aking murang kaisipan, sa aking mahinang pangangatawan, sa aking pusong mamon. Marami kang itinuro sa akin: ang maging matatag sa gitna ng pagsubok, ang tumakbo sa oras na kailangang tumakbo, ang magising sa realidad na hindi na ako isang bata-batuta at kailangang ko nang harapin ang mga bagay na inihanda para sa akin,... kahit na hindi pa ako ganoong ka-preparado.

Dinala mo ako sa mundo ng responsibilidad at kamangmangan, sa kaharian ng pagkamakasarili at kababaang-loob, sa dagat ng mga problema at tagumpay, sa basurahan at sa restaurant (kahit na hindi ko alam kung ano ang talagang kahulugan nun...?)

Binigyan mo ako ng mga makakasama, mga kaibigan at kaaway, mga tapat at taksil, mga taong tanggap ako at mga taong usisero na walang magawa kundi saktan ako nang patalikod.

Lahat ng iyun, upang ituro sa akin ang tatlong bagay...

Na mahina ako kung mag-isa; na hindi ko kakayanin ang lahat nang mag-isa; at mali ang sinasabing kaya ko kung sa totoo lang ay hindi pala.

Sa lahat na ito, taong 2009, ay isa lang ang aking masasabi...

SALAMAT!

Salamat sa lahat ng mga karanasang ibinigay mo sa akin, mabuti man o masama, nakakatawa man o nakakahiya. Salamat sa pagbibigay ng pagkakataong ipakilala ang sarili sa mundong balukyot, na kung minsan ay mapunahin sa lahat ng aking mga ginagawa. Salamat, sapagkat minsan sa buhay ko, nagkaroon ako ng puwang upang isigaw ang aking kakayahan, na kaya ko, na kakayanin ko, na nagmamahal ako, na ako'y umiiyak rin tulad ng mga panahong ako'y tumatawa, na kailangan ko ring umalma kung kailangan. Salamat rin dahil minsan sa buhay ko, natuto akong tumayo sa sarili kong paa, at binigyan mo ako ng dahilan upang gawin ito, lalo na sa mga panahong walang kayang gumawa at tanging ako lamang ang kayang gumawa ng bagay na iyon.

Sa lahat ng ito at sa marami pa, SALAMAT 2009, SALAMAT! Iingatan ko sa aking alaala ang lahat ng ating mga napagsamahan.

At ngayong paparating na ang iyong kapatid na si 2010, dalangin ko na mas lalo pa akong magkaroon ng pagkakataon na patunayang minsan sa buhay ko, ay nakayanan kong sumigaw, na ipahayag ang aking kakayahan at saloobin, at minsan sa buhay ng mundo, may Bitoy na umiral, at nagsabi sa mundo na...

"YARI KA!!!!!"
"Holiness is very Possible...."
"Magaling! Ituloy mo lang yan..."
"Taray mo!!!"
at
"Salamat sa Diyos!"

Hanggang sa dakong paroon! Muli, Salamat!

Ang iyong nagmamahal na ka-lakbay,...

BiTOY :)

=============

The LORD bless you and keep you!
The LORD let his face shine upon
you, and be gracious to you!
The LORD look upon you kindly and
give you peace!

Numbers 6,24-26

Free Music | Free Hallelujah ringtone at EZ-Tracks.com

A Very different Christmas for this year,....... how different?

Christmas for this year is very far different from the other Christmases I have encountered in the past. in one way or another, I can really say that this Christmas is way too tiring, yet exciting.

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This was the first in Nine years that I completed the coveted tradition of Misa de Gallo. sacrificing some three or four hours just to stay awake to hear Mass, it was really a challenge for me. it really took the sleep off of me but still, it's worth it! To add to that was the Mass of the Bishop on the 22nd of December, just a day away from his Sacerdotal Anniversary (which I came to know only two days after the said Mass.), and 8 months away from his Silver Jubilee as Bishop (on August next year.)

=====

Another was the Misa de Aguinaldo last Thursday, when I received one of Fr. Junjun's gifts to the people when he asked some trivia questions during the Homily. Tagged as the only one in the mob who knows the answer, I had the chance of having a Rosary blessed by our Local Ordinary. The question is When does Christmas Season end? Some people answer January 6, some Three Kings, others January 7 or another date. I was the only one (with the courage I've got from the Priest Concelebrant, Fr. Tony Ranada, SVD) who answered rightly: The Feast of the Baptism of the Lord.

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Christmas with Diosdado was a adventurous one. "Father-Son Bonding", kung baga. With the exception of some incidents when I was forced to be with other servers - or worse, alone - , I was joined with JR on most of my endeavors these past days. He's abusive, yes, hingi nang hingi, parang magnanakaw, lagi akong kinukuhanan, still, his company is the best. Yung mamasko kahit sa hindi namin ninong at ninang, parang madaling nakahugot ng lakas dahil may kasama akong bata. hehehe.... Kidding aside, this shows me the reality that I'm no longer 9 years old, that I cannot already do the things I've been doing when I was younger, so much younger than today.

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Wherever I go, there are still skeptics and critics,trying to pull me down and tear me to pieces. Whatever I do to please the community, di pa rin sila nawawala. It hurts so much to see people trying to crush my weak self. I have nothing to say to them but... Pare-pareho tayong pagod, nahirapan at nakulangan. PLEASE LANG! Let's make the New Year right. Let's stop all the fuzz.
And to all asking pamasko from me, Ubos na ang laman ng bulsa ko. Next year na lang!!!!!! hehehehe.... :p

=====

As I end this post, I can say that Christmas was really different for me, a mix of everything.
What made me happy this year?

Not the How, but the Why.

A Blessed Christmas everyone!


Another post coming up, sometime this week... For the New Year blues.

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

.... pa-kengkoy lang.

It seemed really strange to see me falling in love when all that I can do throughout this time is just to work for the Parish community, focus on my studies and friends, do some house work...

We can say that there's nothing bad when we fall in love. we also say that we would only be sorry when it is through, when it is over.

As for me, after closing the doors of my heart, "Nhie" still tried to break it open. That left me bare, empty, waiting for somebody to help and love me.

What shall I do.

Yasia Fiesta Fever @ SCP!!! (Da Blogpost...)

Yes! Even the little parish of Santa Cruz had been drawn over to experience the Fiesta Fever brought about by the 5th Asian Youth Day here in the Philippines.
Thanks to the Days in the Diocese Program, 10 delegates to the AYD had immersed in the uniqueness and hospitality that only the SCP family - and the whole Tanza - can offer!
Among the ten, Four are from Malaysia, Four from Marawi City, and Two from San Pablo City, Laguna. There is a Priest, Two Sisters, and the rest are coordinators and members of the different PYouth Ministries in their own parishes.
It was a fulfilling experience. I could say that it was the happiest weekend of the year because of the experiences and insights I've learned from the delegates.
Thanks to the support of Fr. Junjun, the PPC and Sem. Buddy, along with the help of the Foster Families, and of all the Kaparokyas of Santa Cruz, the Days in the Diocese was truly a success!!!

TERIMA KASIH!!!
DAGHANG SALAMAT!!!
MARAMING THANK YOU SA INYONG LAHAT!!!!!

Till the next AYD. Sana, makasama na kami!!!

YASIA FIESTA!!!!!!!!

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

Happy Birthday Fads!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

FR. JUNJUN!!!

November 08, 2009

From your SCP Family

In the midst of two worlds... where are you? (my report after the leave . Please read this, and give me a piece of advice. I don't know what to do.)

The priest told me to make the right decision for my own good, and for the parish. I have my own wrongdoings, but he is telling me to discern more, to look deeply into myself. To give myself some more timeto reflect. For him, I was considered as an asset and a problem. He urges me to use my talent wisely.

In actuality, I understand that what he expressed was just "bugso ng damdamin," that he did not meant to say those words. He did that to wake me up to the reality. He missed the old me.

I've been receiving advice from facebook, and from friends. they are trying to convince me of one thing from another. I don't know what to do, or whatever.

One side is telling me to give up the game, to leave the service and the cmmunity, because they are using and abusing me to the greatest extent. they tell me that I'm serving to the best of my ability, and yet he, and they, are not recognizing my goodwill. And so, it is better for me to quit the game, and to follow my own way.

On the other hand, there are people telling me to go on, and not to give up the fight. Since I was considered as an asset, I was just a victim of wrong circumstance, that I can still do something, that the people still needs me.

I look at the community, especially at Ta Uloy. I imagined myself if I am not who I am right now. But the leave gave me the thrill of not attending to the church activities, which means not having stress or whatever.

Facebook tells me that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step; and to stop wishing and start resolving.

A friend told me that when the priest held a meeting with the servers before my report last Monday, he said to the kids that eventhough I am not already a part of the ministry, I'm still accessible to them through different activites, teachings, and others. He also told me that according to the priest, I can still help them, that I am still of service, na kailangan pa rin nila ako, that my mission does not end here.

Another friend told me that whatever I do, there are drawbacks in the community, laging may tsismis, and I cannot do everything to mend it but leave. I'm just a victim. I'm just a backdrop of their bad interests. that to put an end to it, I must quit my responsibilities, and go on doing the things that they don't want me to do, but I really and certainly want to.

They are all saying one thing.... WHAT MATTERS IS MY DECISION.

snd so, I'm in the middle of a great battlefield, working to the best for the great decision of my life.

I'm praying to the Lord these days, that I may be more reaponsible in this decision making. Kung sa bagay, bakit nga ba ako nagkakaroon ng ganitong katinding problema? I really must do something. Something that I don't know how to execute.

The problem is very deep, and it really covers my life as a server.

LORD, HELP ME!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

Please, pray for me.

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

Doomsday in 2012.... not really that doomed. Why worry?

anu nga ba talaga?

magwawakas na nga ba ang mga buhay natin after 2012?

well, according to what I have read just a few moments ago, there's truth that something weird is perhaps going to happen...

AND IT IS ABOUT WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITHIN THE TWENTY-FOUR HOURS OF THAT DAY...

BUT NOT DOOMSDAY.

so why the fuzz?

kung tutuusin, we must focus more on the recent weird happenings around us. kung hinaharap na lang natin ang mga bagay sa kapaligiran at hindi na pinapansin ang mga nakakalokong tsismis na walang katotohanan, e di mas magiging prepared tayo for the near future.

di ba? In the end, God knows what will happen tomorrow, or the next week, or on Dec. 21, 2012.

So why worry?

Read the related review: http://litranista001.multiply.com/reviews/item/40

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

CCS Week: October 01-07, 2009

As we celebrate the Anniversary of the Confraternity of Catholic Saints on October 01, 2009, the community of Navotas is holding the CCS Week, first in the history of the community. It would last from October 01 to 07, 2009. It has activities in line for the whole week.

October 01 - CCS Anniversary
- The Community would attend Mass, together with the private launching of the Anniversary Prayer.

October 02-07 - Week of Prayer
- Vespers and Holy Rosary which would last for the week following the Anniversary of the Confraternity.

October 05 - Formator's Day
- Anniversary of the profession of Fra. John Ezekiel, together with the other pioneers.

Culminating Activity:
October 16, 2009 - Renewal of Vows
- Fra. John Ezekiel Maria would renew his profession in front of the Parish Community of santa Cruz, Tanza, Navotas City

*Aside from the Yearly get-together of the whole CCS Community expected to be held sometime before November 01.

CCS @ 6

In celebration of the 6th Anniversary of CCS tomorrow, I would like to extend my heartfelt greetings to all the Fraters, Scholars, Cooperators and friends.

The onslaught of Ondoy during the past weekend is truly a tragedy for each and everyone in the community. Everywhere we could see houses and properties submerged in flood and mud. we could see different individuals, living or dead, that had their lives changed within hours of rain and flashflood. Lives were lost, and claimed within a blink of an eye. Lives that were in comfortable stature were forced to go up their roofs due to sudden rise of floodwaters. These, among others, were what we witnessed during the visit of Ondoy in the Philippines during the weekend.

we may ask, Did God really let this happen? We answer, YES. It's God's reminder that in whatever situation, God is trying to tap us, and to open our eyes to the reality that we are not alone in this world, and that there is a deep consequence for our wrongdoings. Take the fact, we owe Mother Nature a lot.

In times like these, everybody is called to be holy, in one way or another. More than prayers, the community is in dire need of our physical resources, and out time and effort. I think this would be the better way to celebrate the Six Years we had in walking in the spirit of the Saints.

With the bayanihan spirit in our veins, I admonish each and everyone within the Confraternity, as a way of thankgiving for the Six Years of Holiness, to get involved, physically and spiritually, in the relief operations for Ondoy Victims.Through this and other programs that the Holy Spirit would inspire us to do, we could really say that Holiness is very possible, in good and bad times. God is with us and never let us down during the good and blessed times; I think it is better for us to extend our hands for the needy in the bad times.

With all my prayers for the Confraternity, I invoke St. Therese and all the Saints for another blessed year ahead of us! Happy Anniversary to one and all!

In Christum,

Fra. John Ezekiel Maria, ccs

CCS @ 6

In celebration of the 6th Anniversary of CCS tomorrow, I would like to extend my heartfelt greetings to all the Fraters, Scholars, Cooperators and friends.

The onslaught of Ondoy during the past weekend is truly a tragedy for each and everyone in the community. Everywhere we could see houses and properties submerged in flood and mud. we could see different individuals, living or dead, that had their lives changed within hours of rain and flashflood. Lives were lost, and claimed within a blink of an eye. Lives that were in comfortable stature were forced to go up their roofs due to sudden rise of floodwaters. These, among others, were what we witnessed during the visit of Ondoy in the Philippines during the weekend.

we may ask, Did God really let this happen? We answer, YES. It's God's reminder that in whatever situation, God is trying to tap us, and to open our eyes to the reality that we are not alone in this world, and that there is a deep consequence for our wrongdoings. Take the fact, we owe Mother Nature a lot.

In times like these, everybody is called to be holy, in one way or another. More than prayers, the community is in dire need of our physical resources, and out time and effort. I think this would be the better way to celebrate the Six Years we had in walking in the spirit of the Saints.

With the bayanihan spirit in our veins, I admonish each and everyone within the Confraternity, as a way of thankgiving for the Six Years of Holiness, to get involved, physically and spiritually, in the relief operations for Ondoy Victims.Through this and other programs that the Holy Spirit would inspire us to do, we could really say that Holiness is very possible, in good and bad times. God is with us and never let us down during the good and blessed times; I think it is better for us to extend our hands for the needy in the bad times.

With all my prayers for the Confraternity, I invoke St. Therese and all the Saints for another blessed year ahead of us! Happy Anniversary to one and all!

In Christum,

Fra. John Ezekiel Maria, ccs

A Note from a Navote�o...

Three days of fever, well... influenza to be precise. Napakahirap ang magkasakit, but for me, it's my own way of being one with those who suffered more than mine.

in the first place, talagang napakaPAMBIHIRA ang mga naganap mula noong Sabado. Sinong mag-iisip na kaming nasa Malabon-Navotas Area, kaming mas prone sa baha, kami pa ang "masasalba" mula sa matinding peligro?

GOD IS GREAT!!! REALLY!!!

Tahimik... napakatahimik (reflection on silence)

(GNote: I created this reflection when I was alone in my room. I think it was already Two o'clock in the morning when I created this. It was just a result of the silent environment brought about by the time.
It was so, because I am suffering insomnia as of the moment. I cannot sleep during the nighttime, I could lie to sleep already in the early hours of the next day... madaling-araw kung baga. It was a little bit irritating, and I miss sleeping early. Perhaps, I would have it again after the leave.
I hope you would have something out of this.)

Tahimik na tahanan, tahimik na paligid, tahimik na bayan, tahimik na mundo.

ahh, tahimik. sinong hindi nagnanais na magkaroon ng katahimikan ang buhay? sino ang nagnanais ng gulo? ng ingay? ng distorbo?

walang makakapantay sa isang buhay na tahimik: payapa, matiwasay, mainam at maayos. lahat ay nasa wasto. walang gulo, walang giyera, walang away. lahat masaya, lahat enjoy.

pero sandali... kung nais natin ang buhay na tahimik, dapat lamang na ating tanggapin ang kanyang mga kasama't kaagapay. oo, nakakaramdam tayo ng tiwasay na pakiramdam pag tahimik ang lahat, ngunit hindi hindi siya ganap kung wala ang kanyang mga kasama.

ito ay ang pagkabingi, pag-iisa at pangungulila. kasama rin ang kawalan, kakulangan at kadiliman. lahat sila, pantay-pantay. lahat sila, balanse. hindi sasama ang lahat kung wala ang isa.

sabi nga nila, nakakabingi ang katahimikan. ang sabi ko naman, hindi lang siya nakakabingi.

nagdudulot rin siya ng pag-iisa at pangungulila, sapagkat sa katahimikan, parang pakiramdam mo ay wala kang masasandalan. Ikaw lang at ang mundong iyong ginagalawan. Napakahina mong maituturing.

Nararamdaman mo rin sa kanya ang kawalan, kakulangan at kadiliman. sa isang tahimik na paligid, feeling loner ka, parang namatayan ng nanay, tatay, o matalik na kaibigan. Hindi mo alam kung saan ka pupunta. Lahat ay madilim, lahat ay magulo.

ganito ang aking pasya ukol rito sapagkat kailangan nating tanggapin na ang kakulangan ay hindi lamang nakakapagdulot ng ayos, kundi ng kakulangan sa pagkatao. Walang balanse, hindi ganap.

Pero hindi ko sinasabing walang maidudulot na maganda ang katahimikan. Tulad ng isinaad ko sa itaas, makakaramdam ka rito ng kapayapaan, katiwasayan, kaayusan, at kaganapan.

Ang gulo, hindi ba?

May mga kaibigan akong nakikita sa katahimikan ang tiwasay na pag-iisip. nas nakakapag-aral sila, mas nagagawa nila ang dapat nilang gawin pag tahimik ang paligid. Mas nakakapagdasal sila ng maayos sa katahimikan.Para sa kanila, Silence is a time for thinking on things. Oo nga naman. Kasi payapa ang paligid, walang distraction, walang gugulo sa kanila. Totoo nga naman. Silence means concentration for them. at parang hindi sila makakapaggawa ng maayos sa ingay ng mundo.

Pero may mga taong nais ang katahimikan dahil nais nilang sila ang maging hari't reyna ng sandaling iyon. Doon sa mga puntong tahimik ang paligid, iniisip nila ang mga pagmamayabang na nagawa nila sa kapwa, mga pagmamaltrato sa iba, at lahat ng kasaamaan. mali ito. Dito pumapasok ang masamang epekto ng katahimikan. For these guys, Silence means emptiness. At mas nanaisin nila ang ingay ng mundo kaysa sa tahimik na paligid.

Mga kapatid, mali ang parehong punto. Paano ko nasabi?

Hindi naman talaga natin masasabi ang kaganapan ng lahat ng bagay sa katahimikan. Oo, sa katahimikan mo nagagawa ang mga bagay na nais mong gawin, at sa katahimikan mo naiisip ang kawalan dahil sa kasamaang kanilang nagawa. Subalit sa mga taong ito, na naghahangad ng katahimikan, nakakalimutan na nila ang katotohanang nilikha ng Diyos ang Ingay at Katahimikan sa balanseng paraan, tulad ng liwanag at dilim, lupa at dagat, langit at ang lupa, at ang tao at ang kanyang katauhan.

They often look for silence when they are in the middle of the big noise, without realizing that there is silence before and after the big noise.

Bakit ganito ang karamihan sa atin?

Mas nararapat siguro sa atin ang pagkakaroon ng balanse. Maraming nagagawa ang ingay, at maraming nagagawa ang katahimikan, mabuti man o masama. kahit na anong iwas natin sa ingay, at naisin ang katahimikan, hindi pa rin mawawala sa balanse ng mga bagay ang ingay. Marami man ang pagkakataon nating mag-reflect sa katahimikan, still, we must reflect in the midst of the mob.

Masaya ang tahimik, ngunit kailangan ang sapat na katahimikan para iangkop sa sapat na ingay na ating matatanggap.

Panghuli...

God works in silence, God speaks in silence. True. pero we must not deny the fact that God also works in the midst of the noise of today's world. He speaks through the shouting and jeering.

God works in silence and in noise. He is everywhere, everytime.

Sleep tight!

09-21-09

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

Still on my leave...

Day 11 of the 31-day leave...

After the past days, the Lord is still calling me to service. Kahit na ayaw kong gumalaw sa parish community as secretary, still, the circumstances speak for itself. I'm still needed.

Actually, my resolution is to try not to appear from the parish community, so as to have time to reflect.

Pero after eleven days, the resolution... changed. I resolved to be the cameraman, behind the artists. At least, gumalaw man ako, hindi pa rin ako yung nasa forefront. And it would go on for one month.

I'm still moving, but not that quite. Maraming naghahanap sa akin, pero I offer this petty sacrifice of leaving for some recollection.

In the first place naman, my responsibility is to foster goodwill in the community, and not to run behind the problems.

I pray that I would go on, despite the leave.

Yun lang.

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

On my leave...

it was nearly a week now since I began my leave from all the parish work. For one note, parang nakakapanibago yung not waking up early during weekdays, and staying up for 15 hours during Sundays. For most, parang gusto ninyong sabihin na pinapatay ko na ang sarili ko, but for me, it's my way of giving service to the Lord and to the community.

Pero amidst all of that, parang I'm feeling an emotional overfatigue. Maybe because of all those issues I've undergone from the past, that makes me call for a month of leave. Parang you are there in the battlefield, na biglang pumasok sa utak mo... Lagi na lang bang ganito? Can't I take a break?

Well, yun nga ang pumasok sa utak ko,... thus, the leave.

But despite all that, there's still that urge inside me. An urge to go there and render service. I try to reprimand myself. After all, it's more of a privilege. It's for my benefit rin naman. After this month, I can go on with my usual way... with a cleared mind. I know, I know.

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

Happy Birthday Mama Mary.... and other posts.

It's Mama Mary's Birthday Tomorrow!

And with that in mind, the Parish Pastoral Council, through the Worship Ministry, prepared a very happy program this coming Tuesday. The thing is... it will happen first thing in the morning. Madugo na naman ito. And yes, it is. As the over-all in-charge of the program proper, I felt that there were many lapses in tomorrow's Ma�anita Alay kay Inang Maria. Parang may napakalaking kulang. If you would ask me, talagang kinakabahan ako with what would happen tomorrow. There are groups having their presentations left unprepared, well, because of the time constraint. But still, it's just a little matter, a little problem, compared with the giants of life.
Well, life, in its greatest sense, is full of problems. Hindi naman mawawala iyun. It's how you bear to it, and how you handle every single problem you have. Kahit na mahirap, still, you live, eh. OO, there are times when you go alone, sitting in a corner, feeling desolate. It's natural. But look at the other side of life... There are many opportunities waiting. It would knock. You'd better open it.

In the end of all this, It's still a matter between you and your God... How you lived your life in the right way is all that matters. No ban whatsoever would define your personality. It would never describe you. Eventhough there are bans regarding your wrongdoings, still, after the ban is lifted, you're still on your own. YOU'RE STILL ON YOUR OWN.

Happy Birthday, Mama Mary!!!

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

Picxs......

Eversince I took hold of my sissie's digicam sometime this year, I have undergone a massive change, from somebody who loves to be a part of pictures, to somebody who loves to be a part of pictures, and taking a picture myself!

For example... This pic is taken last August 22, during our Pabingo sa tag-ulan. I am here with Fr. Junjun and some members of the Pastoral Council. Everytime I have a pic, I always smile... to the greater and the greatest!!! This shows my enthusiasm with regards to sharing memoirs with others.

On the other hand, I took this pic of Fr. Junjun the other Sunday. Yah, a Priest riding a motocycle in his alb. Grabe, noh? But the main idea behind this is, I also would like to capture first-hand the feelings and emotions of others. Especially when it comes to good and happy feelings, I would like to share with the world how a person feels it when he does it sometime around.

For one, Having a picture is like holding the moment, seizing it, and keeping it for the rest of his life. It's not narcissism per se, but it's more of keeping the moment alive.

Wala lang! I just shared with you how I become addicted to capturing pictures, be it formal or a simple part of my every day.

In the end, I could say that I love pictures! They form a part of my life.

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

chance... hanggang saan?

madalas kong naririnig ang mga katagang... sige, bibigyan pa kita ng one more chance. Just one.

kadalasan, maririnig ito sa mga chances na wala nang pag-asa ang isang tao sa kanyang bosing, o kaya'y wala nang tiwala si wife kay husband.

Pero dapat nga bang naririnig ito?

Sabi nila na mas lalo daw nabibigyan ng eagerness ang isang tao to do more good. Pero in actuality, and as I can see it in the contrary, hindi ito ang nangyayari. Mas madalas pa nga na kapag nabibigyan ng second chance ang isang tao, the more na nasasaktan ang isa pang tao.

Dapat bang ganito ang mangyari? Kaya nga may second chance, kasi para mas magawa ng taong iyon ang dapat niyang gawin. Eh hindi eh. Umaabot sa punto naaabuso pa ang kapwa niya na umaasa sa "kaya" niyang gawin.

At kung sa bagay, second chance means loss of trust. Okey, you can do it the next time around, but why need to do it on chance? Di ba dapat ginagawa na natin ito in the first blow?

A friendly tip...

if you can do something, and do it really good, do it the first time around. Wag mo nang paabutin sa second chance. It is simply because you cannot put things the way they do on second time. Everything has only but one chance.

This one goes to those who love second chances. Magising kayo sa katotohanan! Mali ang inyong principles when it comes to that. Totoo.

What can you say?

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

The Wishes... here we go...

THE THREE WISHES!!!

Let's give out, share all and live up!

My wishes this year, are not so good like last year. Last year, it is a repeatition of the other year's three wishes. It took me days to compose this. The wishes are for those who have been my... best bullyists, and enemies, as well as for those who are not sensitive enough.

and here we go...

3. The third wish this year goes to those who have been a part of my wall of shame. They are those people who led me, in one way to another, to discouragement. They are those who made my world balance, those who remind me, that this world is not a perfect one. Kung hindi dahil sa kanila, hindi ako magiging matatag kahit na ako'y hirap na hirap na. This wish goes to them. I wish that they may see the reality that they are not the perfect people that they are thinking. I wish also that they may be more responsible with what they are doing.

2. This wish goes to those people who had been senseless with what I needed. They are those who were acting as if wala silang pakialam. When I needed them, they are those who tend to close their mouths, or worse, go with the flow and laugh at my misery, not knowing what I'm into. This one is for them. I wish that they would be more sensitive to what are the needs of others. I wish that they would not tend to be like robots, who would laugh when told to, or cry when said so. I wish for them to be more observant with what's going on.

AND FINALLY...

1. This wish goes to me. After realizing that the people around me gave me the attention I needed, it's now my turn to look at their sighs. My Primary Wish this year is for me to see the real thing, not what I wish to see. I know that this would be hard, but I pray that this year, I would not look for what I want, but for what they want me to be. In other words, I wish that I would be reality-based, not fantasized, but keeping my feet on the ground despite the responsibility I have.

===+===

A Year is closing,... what a year! It's very depressing, very suffocating, but still, it was worth it. This was that year when I entered an ocean of challenges, and remained standing. I would never do it without the help of those who were involved in my life.

This is my chance to say Thank You!!! ...

> to those who had been my acquaintances this past year.
> to those who had never left my side in times of trouble.
> to those who had made my life a mixture of bitter and sweet.
> to those who had been my crying shoulder for this year.
> to those who had believed that I can do it, even if I am frail and weak.
> to those who still believed me, eventhough I failed them.
> to those who still have trust in me, no matter what.

Salamat, salamat, salamat sa inyong lahat!!!

But most of all, I would like to say thank you to The One! Lord, you are The all-knowing, and you knew that I must enter this vast ocean in order to be tough and cool. It's all because of you! THANK YOU!!! MARAMING SALAMAT PO!!! THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!

And so, another year is closing. Pray for me that this year would be a very nice year for me. I would pray for you all.

Thank You all!!! and a very Happy Birthday and Feastday to me!!!

HAPPY 19 SA 19 SA AKIN!!! hehe.....

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

A Public Apology... (19 sa 19 Special Feature)

I would like to extend my sincere apology to those who were offended by my "other side" yesterday, Aug. 16, 2009.

That "other side", my brother in the dark, is somebody that I don't want to share with all. It occurs only when I go mad and bad on things. That situation yesterday, I know, led me to another dirt in my name. It gave me shame again in my heart.

Masakit kung maituring, but still, the message is clear. The word I would like to convey to the person concerned is clear. Alam na niya yun. Kung ayaw niyang makinig sa akin, then so be it. I would render silence.

Still, I felt that it is my responsibility to render a public apology in favor of those who were suprised by my other side. I'm really sorry na nagambala ko kayo dahil sa masamang kapatid ko.

This apology also goes to those people na nasaktan ko throughout the past year. Marami sila, hindi ko na mabilang. I'm sorry for whatever I did that offended you.

Well, life must go on... it really must be.

3 Wishes..............parating na!

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

T_BiTz... 19 sa 19!!! ...THE BIRTHDAY ESSAY 2009

Another year is drawing to a close. and with the closing of one year is opening of another.
It's time to sum-up once again all those events that shaped my eighteenth year. And for me, a very expressive way of showing this is through pics. And so, my BE for this year is a show-off of pictures tied-up into a category. This is a very tiresome job, preparing every show-off pic, and compiling it into one mosaic. But for the Essay, and as a way of giving thanks, why the fuzz?

The Essay is divided into these topics: the MAS Life and the Diversion, The Blessed Brotherhood, Life @ CMU, Haus Boi, and my Mad and Bad Sentiments. It tries to cover every major aspect of my life... something that I would really like to share with you all.

Go on, let's read together...

===+===

From an Altar Server to being a Lector, down to being a MC in training and handling the liturgy, the Diversion taught me two things... First, I don't live in one org alone, I belong to everybody; Second, I need to grow in order to have a more fulfilling life. If you would look at my life as a common layko right now, it's more of an adventure. Having a very different adventure... like I never had it in 5 years. I owe this personally to the change of leadership (from Fr. Jun to Fr. Junjun), and the help of the people who believed in what I can do. I never realized that I can actually be where I am right now. Actually. This is really a call to service, offering your life for everybody, not just for somebody, to the point of being hurt, and separated from the mob, in order to render a more just service for all. I said this once... Nalungkot ako nung umalis ako sa pagiging Altar Server... Pero pagkatapos ng lahat ng aking napagdaanan, nawala ang lungkot na iyun, napalitan ng ligaya. Now I know that there is something more for me.

===+===

After my profession last year, my perspective on the Confraternity changed. Far from being an ordinary organization, the CCS (for me) changed its identity into a community. I felt that there is a tie between me and the Fraters, something that I never felt eversince I entered the Confraternity. From being just a member then, now, I have my own flock. Then, I was simply carefree with the spirituality, now I am the half-caretaker of relics. There was this change of dimension for me, and more than that, there was this deeper call to live in sanctity, with the flow of what is today. I told the scholars at the General Assembly... We all have the quest to find the real happiness, that thing that would lead us to great joy. That's why we are here... we pursue to be happy, and holy. By being holy, we tend to become happy.

===+===

Class life has never become this tiring yet challenging. In actuality, since my Birthday last year, class has undergone a little bit cruel change. And on that aspect, I tend to give up. That was evident until now. Because of that cruel change, I tend to skip classes because of sickness or laziness. Still, I managed to go on and have a good grade. But despite all that, there is still a good share of joys and triumphs. My barkada, the Ghoy Ghang, was always there with me to raise my clenched fist and shout... "Awoo awoo!", my good classmate friends are there to support my every move, and my reportings tell me that I'm on the right track. But inside all that, there's those little joys that leave a mark of joy in my heart. I told my classmate once... Thank you for being there for me. Naging masaya ang three years ko sa college with your company, I pray that the coming months may be a greater joy for me and for us all.

===+===

Responsibility. That's a very deep word. and that's what my family taught me throughout the past year. It's noting that this year, I was more focused on the house. Being eighteen means being mature enough to face every problem in the home. Caring for your very young nephews, taking the toll when your sister is angry over you, but most of all, this year taught me how to care for my most precious treasure... my mother. This year has been a silent testimony of how I left my mother alone, and how I tried to find her amidst the rain and pile of people. I shared this with a friend... Imagine, kahit na pinahihirapan ko siya, andyan pa rin siya for me. That's a very great reminder for me na wala nang mas nakakaintindi sa akin than my mom, my family. There's a home waiting for me.

===+===

It's a bad fight for me this year. From day 1, there was this feeling of loneliness and despair. On the other days, there was this feeling of lust running on my veins. On some, there was the pain of betrayal, separation, and division. And then, there is the pain of saying goodbye to some who left me all alone. Still, there is the pain of fighting, and giving up. I felt like I was guilty of all of these. In actuality, it hurts. For all of these, I tell... Dadaan kung dadaan. Sasakit kung sasakit. Pero mas maganda na iyun kaysa sa pagiging mangmang sa isang bagay, tapos magkakaroon ka ng trauma pag dumating ito na hindi ka handa.
I have undergone a lot of chisms, people tried to take me down, and some of them have not contented in just gossiping, to the point of back biting me. To them I say... Maging masaya kayo sa kung nasaan kayo. After all, dumaan din ako dyan sa dinadaanan ninyo. And then, bakit ba? Wala naman akong ginagawang masama.

===+===

The year was a very colorful one for me. My Eighteenth year is something that I would never forget for the rest of my life. It was in this year that I had a taste of everything: Service, Responsibility, Friendship, Gossips, Pitfalls, Lustful thinkings, Leadership, but most of all, of Love and Sacrifice.

My life... Our life... It is like a picture, a share of colors, hoping to create a simple scene and everything that is in it.

I pray that the coming year may have a bright light in front of its path to guide me through the coming challenges and experiences. Although not so sure, I know deep inside my heart that my nineteenth year of journey would bring me to another picture, that would teach me to be more mature, more friendly, more responsible, more humble, and more in service.

And as I close this BE, I would entrust myself to the Lord. He took me, and shaped me to be what I am right now. I know that my life is entrusted to him, and so I cry...

IN ALL THINGS, MAY GOD'S WILL BE DONE!!!
SA LAHAT NG BAGAY, KALOOBAN MO NAWA ANG MANGYARI, O PANGINOON!!!
AMEN.

JoEzeMa,ccs:)
081409

heading to the BE (Bpost Series #6, last of the series.)

We are now heading to the last week... so I would like to share with you some insights on my BE and Three Wishes which would be published on Aug 13 and 16.

> Picturrific! Unlike the past BEs, the one for this year is supported by lots of pictures, symbolizing each aspect of my life: MAS/SMW, Haus Boi, CCS, and CMU; as well as my bad sentiments.

> More Pouring of my inner self. Another special for this year is the manner of presentation, more bold, yet down-to-earth.

> aspectically... good. It's more of an awkward way of giving thanks to all who had been a part of my life for this year.

> living out the theme! My theme for last year was One Year older... One Year wiser... One Year nearer. This would serve as my report for last year.

Watch out, guys! it's heading the way!!!

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

From One to Another... this time, it's CORY. (Bpost Series #5)

(August 03, 2009: the Yellow Ribbon and the Half-mast Flag at CMU)

From the King of Philippine Rap...

to the King of Pop...
and now,
the next in line is the Icon of Philippine Democracy...
the Lady of EDSA.
CORAZON COJUANGCO-AQUINO.
1933-2009

Since last Saturday, I've been hearing of the news of Cory's death. and deep inside, I'm very moved by how the whole nation, including me, sadly accepted the shocking news of the day.
For me personally, as a filipino of the new generation, I have no idea of what happened in 1986, five years before I was born. But in what I am seeing from Saturday up until early today, I can picture in my mind the events in which I have no idea what really happened.
I thank God for Mrs. Aquino, because all throughout her seventy-six years of adventure and challenges, I can see that He never left Cory alone. From the moment of birth, up to the EDSA days, and until now that she's not with us anymore, God is with her. That's the reality of Cory's life. The Reality of God's immense love for His servants.
From her life, I can clearly see three lessons to ponder for us, the new breed of Filipinos...
1. Have a deep love for the nation. When you see that your country is in deep wave of problems, don't just sit there reading my blog and doing nothing. Like Cory, we must fight and defend our motherland and its democracy from its enemies, both outside and inside.
2. Every ONE can. Cory is a woman. and she ousted the mad dictator of her time. like her, we must be brave enough to oust the mad dictators of our lives... PRIDE. and Everyone, yes, everyone can do it. No gender discrimination.
3. Have a deep faith in GOD. Cory's life is one of deep prayer and confidence in her Creator. something that most of us lack. Let us not be contented with the material things, and let us not depend on ourselves only. let us always remember that God is just a prayer away to guide us. Look at Cory. before running for president, she spent quality time praying. She never wasted her time in waste, always spending some time to talk with the Lord. Because of that, she was given the most beautiful gift God can give... BEAUTIFUL and HAPPY DEATH.

I enjoin my prayers with the whole Nation. I mourn for her passing, yet I am enjoyed with the fact that she is already with the Lord, and with her husband Ninoy. She is there, praying with us and for us.

Opo, ma'am Cory! ipagpapatuloy namin ang iyong nasimulan!
Tuloy ang Laban!
CORY, HINDI KA NAG-IISA!!!

R.I.P. Amen.

JoEzeMa,ccs :)

Akala Mo... ? malay. (Bpost Series #4)

bitoy panganiban said "Akala ko wala nang magagawa Yun Pala meron pa.." Lahat tayo maraming maling akala sa buhay, maliit man o malaki. Kung gusto mo i-tama ang mga maling akala, mag log-on ka sa AkalaMo.com