It seemed really strange to see me falling in love when all that I can do throughout this time is just to work for the Parish community, focus on my studies and friends, do some house work...
We can say that there's nothing bad when we fall in love. we also say that we would only be sorry when it is through, when it is over.
As for me, after closing the doors of my heart, "Nhie" still tried to break it open. That left me bare, empty, waiting for somebody to help and love me.
What shall I do.
Yes! Even the little parish of Santa Cruz had been drawn over to experience the Fiesta Fever brought about by the 5th Asian Youth Day here in the Philippines.The priest told me to make the right decision for my own good, and for the parish. I have my own wrongdoings, but he is telling me to discern more, to look deeply into myself. To give myself some more timeto reflect. For him, I was considered as an asset and a problem. He urges me to use my talent wisely.
In actuality, I understand that what he expressed was just "bugso ng damdamin," that he did not meant to say those words. He did that to wake me up to the reality. He missed the old me.
I've been receiving advice from facebook, and from friends. they are trying to convince me of one thing from another. I don't know what to do, or whatever.
One side is telling me to give up the game, to leave the service and the cmmunity, because they are using and abusing me to the greatest extent. they tell me that I'm serving to the best of my ability, and yet he, and they, are not recognizing my goodwill. And so, it is better for me to quit the game, and to follow my own way.
On the other hand, there are people telling me to go on, and not to give up the fight. Since I was considered as an asset, I was just a victim of wrong circumstance, that I can still do something, that the people still needs me.
I look at the community, especially at Ta Uloy. I imagined myself if I am not who I am right now. But the leave gave me the thrill of not attending to the church activities, which means not having stress or whatever.
Facebook tells me that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step; and to stop wishing and start resolving.
A friend told me that when the priest held a meeting with the servers before my report last Monday, he said to the kids that eventhough I am not already a part of the ministry, I'm still accessible to them through different activites, teachings, and others. He also told me that according to the priest, I can still help them, that I am still of service, na kailangan pa rin nila ako, that my mission does not end here.
Another friend told me that whatever I do, there are drawbacks in the community, laging may tsismis, and I cannot do everything to mend it but leave. I'm just a victim. I'm just a backdrop of their bad interests. that to put an end to it, I must quit my responsibilities, and go on doing the things that they don't want me to do, but I really and certainly want to.
They are all saying one thing.... WHAT MATTERS IS MY DECISION.
snd so, I'm in the middle of a great battlefield, working to the best for the great decision of my life.
I'm praying to the Lord these days, that I may be more reaponsible in this decision making. Kung sa bagay, bakit nga ba ako nagkakaroon ng ganitong katinding problema? I really must do something. Something that I don't know how to execute.
The problem is very deep, and it really covers my life as a server.
LORD, HELP ME!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Please, pray for me.
JoEzeMa,ccs :)
anu nga ba talaga?
magwawakas na nga ba ang mga buhay natin after 2012?
well, according to what I have read just a few moments ago, there's truth that something weird is perhaps going to happen...
AND IT IS ABOUT WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITHIN THE TWENTY-FOUR HOURS OF THAT DAY...
BUT NOT DOOMSDAY.
so why the fuzz?
kung tutuusin, we must focus more on the recent weird happenings around us. kung hinaharap na lang natin ang mga bagay sa kapaligiran at hindi na pinapansin ang mga nakakalokong tsismis na walang katotohanan, e di mas magiging prepared tayo for the near future.
di ba? In the end, God knows what will happen tomorrow, or the next week, or on Dec. 21, 2012.
So why worry?
Read the related review: http://litranista001.multiply.com/reviews/item/40
JoEzeMa,ccs :)
October 01 - CCS Anniversary
- The Community would attend Mass, together with the private launching of the Anniversary Prayer.
October 02-07 - Week of Prayer
- Vespers and Holy Rosary which would last for the week following the Anniversary of the Confraternity.
October 05 - Formator's Day
- Anniversary of the profession of Fra. John Ezekiel, together with the other pioneers.
Culminating Activity:
October 16, 2009 - Renewal of Vows
- Fra. John Ezekiel Maria would renew his profession in front of the Parish Community of santa Cruz, Tanza, Navotas City
*Aside from the Yearly get-together of the whole CCS Community expected to be held sometime before November 01.
In celebration of the 6th Anniversary of CCS tomorrow, I would like to extend my heartfelt greetings to all the Fraters, Scholars, Cooperators and friends.
The onslaught of Ondoy during the past weekend is truly a tragedy for each and everyone in the community. Everywhere we could see houses and properties submerged in flood and mud. we could see different individuals, living or dead, that had their lives changed within hours of rain and flashflood. Lives were lost, and claimed within a blink of an eye. Lives that were in comfortable stature were forced to go up their roofs due to sudden rise of floodwaters. These, among others, were what we witnessed during the visit of Ondoy in the Philippines during the weekend.
we may ask, Did God really let this happen? We answer, YES. It's God's reminder that in whatever situation, God is trying to tap us, and to open our eyes to the reality that we are not alone in this world, and that there is a deep consequence for our wrongdoings. Take the fact, we owe Mother Nature a lot.
In times like these, everybody is called to be holy, in one way or another. More than prayers, the community is in dire need of our physical resources, and out time and effort. I think this would be the better way to celebrate the Six Years we had in walking in the spirit of the Saints.
With the bayanihan spirit in our veins, I admonish each and everyone within the Confraternity, as a way of thankgiving for the Six Years of Holiness, to get involved, physically and spiritually, in the relief operations for Ondoy Victims.Through this and other programs that the Holy Spirit would inspire us to do, we could really say that Holiness is very possible, in good and bad times. God is with us and never let us down during the good and blessed times; I think it is better for us to extend our hands for the needy in the bad times.
With all my prayers for the Confraternity, I invoke St. Therese and all the Saints for another blessed year ahead of us! Happy Anniversary to one and all!
In Christum,
Fra. John Ezekiel Maria, ccs
In celebration of the 6th Anniversary of CCS tomorrow, I would like to extend my heartfelt greetings to all the Fraters, Scholars, Cooperators and friends.
The onslaught of Ondoy during the past weekend is truly a tragedy for each and everyone in the community. Everywhere we could see houses and properties submerged in flood and mud. we could see different individuals, living or dead, that had their lives changed within hours of rain and flashflood. Lives were lost, and claimed within a blink of an eye. Lives that were in comfortable stature were forced to go up their roofs due to sudden rise of floodwaters. These, among others, were what we witnessed during the visit of Ondoy in the Philippines during the weekend.
we may ask, Did God really let this happen? We answer, YES. It's God's reminder that in whatever situation, God is trying to tap us, and to open our eyes to the reality that we are not alone in this world, and that there is a deep consequence for our wrongdoings. Take the fact, we owe Mother Nature a lot.
In times like these, everybody is called to be holy, in one way or another. More than prayers, the community is in dire need of our physical resources, and out time and effort. I think this would be the better way to celebrate the Six Years we had in walking in the spirit of the Saints.
With the bayanihan spirit in our veins, I admonish each and everyone within the Confraternity, as a way of thankgiving for the Six Years of Holiness, to get involved, physically and spiritually, in the relief operations for Ondoy Victims.Through this and other programs that the Holy Spirit would inspire us to do, we could really say that Holiness is very possible, in good and bad times. God is with us and never let us down during the good and blessed times; I think it is better for us to extend our hands for the needy in the bad times.
With all my prayers for the Confraternity, I invoke St. Therese and all the Saints for another blessed year ahead of us! Happy Anniversary to one and all!
In Christum,
Fra. John Ezekiel Maria, ccs
Three days of fever, well... influenza to be precise. Napakahirap ang magkasakit, but for me, it's my own way of being one with those who suffered more than mine.
in the first place, talagang napakaPAMBIHIRA ang mga naganap mula noong Sabado. Sinong mag-iisip na kaming nasa Malabon-Navotas Area, kaming mas prone sa baha, kami pa ang "masasalba" mula sa matinding peligro?
GOD IS GREAT!!! REALLY!!!
(GNote: I created this reflection when I was alone in my room. I think it was already Two o'clock in the morning when I created this. It was just a result of the silent environment brought about by the time.
It was so, because I am suffering insomnia as of the moment. I cannot sleep during the nighttime, I could lie to sleep already in the early hours of the next day... madaling-araw kung baga. It was a little bit irritating, and I miss sleeping early. Perhaps, I would have it again after the leave.
I hope you would have something out of this.)
Tahimik na tahanan, tahimik na paligid, tahimik na bayan, tahimik na mundo.
ahh, tahimik. sinong hindi nagnanais na magkaroon ng katahimikan ang buhay? sino ang nagnanais ng gulo? ng ingay? ng distorbo?
walang makakapantay sa isang buhay na tahimik: payapa, matiwasay, mainam at maayos. lahat ay nasa wasto. walang gulo, walang giyera, walang away. lahat masaya, lahat enjoy.
pero sandali... kung nais natin ang buhay na tahimik, dapat lamang na ating tanggapin ang kanyang mga kasama't kaagapay. oo, nakakaramdam tayo ng tiwasay na pakiramdam pag tahimik ang lahat, ngunit hindi hindi siya ganap kung wala ang kanyang mga kasama.
ito ay ang pagkabingi, pag-iisa at pangungulila. kasama rin ang kawalan, kakulangan at kadiliman. lahat sila, pantay-pantay. lahat sila, balanse. hindi sasama ang lahat kung wala ang isa.
sabi nga nila, nakakabingi ang katahimikan. ang sabi ko naman, hindi lang siya nakakabingi.
nagdudulot rin siya ng pag-iisa at pangungulila, sapagkat sa katahimikan, parang pakiramdam mo ay wala kang masasandalan. Ikaw lang at ang mundong iyong ginagalawan. Napakahina mong maituturing.
Nararamdaman mo rin sa kanya ang kawalan, kakulangan at kadiliman. sa isang tahimik na paligid, feeling loner ka, parang namatayan ng nanay, tatay, o matalik na kaibigan. Hindi mo alam kung saan ka pupunta. Lahat ay madilim, lahat ay magulo.
ganito ang aking pasya ukol rito sapagkat kailangan nating tanggapin na ang kakulangan ay hindi lamang nakakapagdulot ng ayos, kundi ng kakulangan sa pagkatao. Walang balanse, hindi ganap.
Pero hindi ko sinasabing walang maidudulot na maganda ang katahimikan. Tulad ng isinaad ko sa itaas, makakaramdam ka rito ng kapayapaan, katiwasayan, kaayusan, at kaganapan.
Ang gulo, hindi ba?
May mga kaibigan akong nakikita sa katahimikan ang tiwasay na pag-iisip. nas nakakapag-aral sila, mas nagagawa nila ang dapat nilang gawin pag tahimik ang paligid. Mas nakakapagdasal sila ng maayos sa katahimikan.Para sa kanila, Silence is a time for thinking on things. Oo nga naman. Kasi payapa ang paligid, walang distraction, walang gugulo sa kanila. Totoo nga naman. Silence means concentration for them. at parang hindi sila makakapaggawa ng maayos sa ingay ng mundo.
Pero may mga taong nais ang katahimikan dahil nais nilang sila ang maging hari't reyna ng sandaling iyon. Doon sa mga puntong tahimik ang paligid, iniisip nila ang mga pagmamayabang na nagawa nila sa kapwa, mga pagmamaltrato sa iba, at lahat ng kasaamaan. mali ito. Dito pumapasok ang masamang epekto ng katahimikan. For these guys, Silence means emptiness. At mas nanaisin nila ang ingay ng mundo kaysa sa tahimik na paligid.
Mga kapatid, mali ang parehong punto. Paano ko nasabi?
Hindi naman talaga natin masasabi ang kaganapan ng lahat ng bagay sa katahimikan. Oo, sa katahimikan mo nagagawa ang mga bagay na nais mong gawin, at sa katahimikan mo naiisip ang kawalan dahil sa kasamaang kanilang nagawa. Subalit sa mga taong ito, na naghahangad ng katahimikan, nakakalimutan na nila ang katotohanang nilikha ng Diyos ang Ingay at Katahimikan sa balanseng paraan, tulad ng liwanag at dilim, lupa at dagat, langit at ang lupa, at ang tao at ang kanyang katauhan.
They often look for silence when they are in the middle of the big noise, without realizing that there is silence before and after the big noise.
Bakit ganito ang karamihan sa atin?
Mas nararapat siguro sa atin ang pagkakaroon ng balanse. Maraming nagagawa ang ingay, at maraming nagagawa ang katahimikan, mabuti man o masama. kahit na anong iwas natin sa ingay, at naisin ang katahimikan, hindi pa rin mawawala sa balanse ng mga bagay ang ingay. Marami man ang pagkakataon nating mag-reflect sa katahimikan, still, we must reflect in the midst of the mob.
Masaya ang tahimik, ngunit kailangan ang sapat na katahimikan para iangkop sa sapat na ingay na ating matatanggap.
Panghuli...
God works in silence, God speaks in silence. True. pero we must not deny the fact that God also works in the midst of the noise of today's world. He speaks through the shouting and jeering.
God works in silence and in noise. He is everywhere, everytime.
Sleep tight!
09-21-09
JoEzeMa,ccs :)
